January

January 15, 2012
i have been feeling that i am not progressing and i need to be patient and just do my best but this week i just didn't feel good and couldn't understand why because our investigators are progressing and keeping their commitments and i am getting better at role playing and when sister Bentley came home from leadership she taught me to teach by the spirit and i did good when we role played but there was this ball in my stomach and i felt like a wall was suffocating me and blocking me from the spirit so yesterday after sis Bentley corrected me i just started crying and couldn't really explain it since my emotions were all jumbled and told her i felt like a bad companion and wasn't progressing and told her it did hurt when she corrected me and we just had a really good talk and she held me while i cried. i didn't talk to her before because i didn't know exactly what i was feeling and was afraid she think i was complaining or criticizing or being onrey and i told her that i was trying to avoid breaking down and do everything i can to be a good companion and said it was too soon to have a crying fit and so we called the elders closest to us and asked if they would give each of us a blessing and the blessing they gave me was so special and comforting and i cried through the whole thing, they said as i love and serve our investigators my struggles will melt away and that heavenly father is proud of me and is always there and after that wall i felt suffocating me broke apart and the elders and the brother that was with them assured me i was great missionary and just really were friends to me and i will always treasure that and i learned that i need to talk to my companion even when i cant recognize my feelings and not be afraid of how she will react and her blessing was powerful too and she had been wanting one for  a while and it was great we got to do it together but at the time i wanted you to hold me but it all worked out and brought me and sis Bentley closer, now don't get me wrong sister Bentley is great and a wonderful teacher and yes  she corrects me quite often but its still hard to hear and had to tell her it hurts me but she isn't being mean to me or intentionally making me feel bad, i guess this was something we just had to go through and i feel so much better and know i am going to be fine and i guess even with a great teacher constructive criticism still stings, i try to see it from her point of view and guess i just avoided my feelings a little to long but all is well now and i know it will only make us stronger companions and stronger people. the two days sis Bentley was gone went really great and i was a good senior companion in my opinion and me and sis toala had a great time and although we got lost a couple of times and i couldn't back out of the driveway without Edie's help i think i gave her a great experience and learned that if needed i could be a leader and the lesson we taught went really well so i was relived it went well and was over. Jenni